惭愧,前几天跟也译了这首诗的朋友们讨论时,倒是被说发挥过多了,不够忠实于原文……比如 artists、couriers、echos、arrives。同时也说最后一句的主语用“we”不太合适。
以上意见我只采纳了一部分,当时的修改如下:
The wispy clouds are artists of shape-shifting,
the shooting stars, couriers of yearning thoughts.
Vast and wide is the galactic river for this pair to silently cross.
Once they embrace, amid golden winds and jade-like dew,
countless worldly couples shall be outshone.
Tenderly their love echos,
dreamily this tryst arrives,
though none can stand the thought
of their return off the magpie bridge.
Yet so long as the amorous bond stays true,
why bother to stay together day and night?
【 在 coolchanger 的大作中提到: 】
: 没有必要一字一译
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FROM 121.31.20.*